Why Try Prostate Play?
There’s an erogenous hot spot that more and more men* and their partners are discovering: the prostate. One of the most common descriptions of prostate stimulation is that it feels like “the start of an orgasm,” but instead of lasting for just a few seconds, it can go on and on.
Also known as “the male G-spot,” the prostate gland is incredibly responsive to vibration, massage, and pressure. In fact, many of the techniques and toys that work for the G-spot also work for the prostate, as long as they're anal-safe (see below).
Finding the Prostate
The prostate gland is about 1” (2.5 cm) across and the easiest way to find it is through anal penetration. It can be difficult to reach on your own, so you can ask a partner for some help or use a toy. Get some of your favorite lubricant on a finger or dildo and insert it at least 3-4” (7.5-10cm). Keep it centered on your midline and curl or angle the tip towards your navel. The prostate is on the other side of the wall of the rectum.
If you’re using a finger, you’re looking for something that feels like a ripe plum- not too soft and not too hard. It’s easier to find it if the receiver is turned on. The prostate gets larger and firmer with arousal, just like the penis, clitoris, and G-spot. So before you look for the prostate, start off by getting turned on with something familiar and pleasurable. If the receiver says that it feels like they need to urinate, you’ve found the prostate but you’re probably pressing a bit too much. Back off on the pressure until you find the right amount.
Once you’ve found the prostate, you’re ready to try massage. It’s one of the best ways to get warmed up before using a toy. The most important thing to remember is “stroke, don’t poke.” Use the pad of your finger, rather than the tip.
Some of the most popular massage moves include:
- The classic “come hither” motion
- Circles, either over the entire surface or focused on one spot
- In and out (while maintaining pressure)
- Windshield wipers
Maintain a nice, steady pace and pressure- too fast or too hard is not what you’re looking for. And change things up every few minutes. As with any massage, the nerve endings can get “bored” if things get monotonous. Try a different move, or a faster or slower speed, or more or less pressure.
You can also combine prostate pleasure with penis massage, though it can be tricky to coordinate both hands. If you find that challenging, have your partner stroke himself while you focus on his prostate.
Some men enjoy prostate massage with a lot of in-and-out motion, while others don’t. The more in-and-out you use, the more you’ll stimulate the anus along with the prostate. Be sure to use plenty of lube since more movement means more friction.
Massage can be lots of fun, but there’s nothing quite like the sensations that dildos, plugs, and vibrators can provide. Look for a toy that has a base to keep it from going all the way in, and make sure it’s smooth. Bumps and ridges might feel great inside someone’s vagina, but they can be a bit much for anal play.
Lots of prostate toys have a curved shape, so angle them so that the curve is pointing towards the navel. Dildos with realistic heads can massage the prostate as they slide in and out. Remember that if there’s less than 3” (7.5 cm) of the toy inside the body, it won’t reach the prostate. You might need to experiment with angles to make sure that you don’t poke the prostate. You want to glide over the surface, instead of bumping into it.
Although battery-powered vibrators are often too mild for prostate play, there are some that are just right. Try attaching a dildo to the Rumble with the Rumble Convertible Head. That’s a great way to play solo, or free up your partner’s hands for other fun.
If pegging (strap-on play) sounds appealing, there are lots of great harnesses to choose from. Go for a fabric one since you’ll want something machine washable for your anal pleasure adventures. Wearing a strap-on takes some practice, so try putting it on and getting everything adjusted. That’ll help you keep your suave on date night.
Some men are able to orgasm from prostate play on its own, and others need penis stimulation to get there. It’s not about being experienced or “better” at it. It’s just how some people are, just as some women can orgasm from G-spot play and others need to include clitoral stimulation.
Many men say that prostate orgasms feel bigger, more expansive, or more diffuse than the focused or localized orgasms that come from penis-centered sex. It’s also common for there to be more ejaculate because more fluid is being massaged out of the gland. However, some men ejaculate with less force because the muscle contractions might not sync up with the prostate stimulation. Whatever your experience, the only goal is to feel amazing, so don't worry about comparing one orgasm with another.
Tips for Anal Penetration
- Make sure you use plenty of lubricant. If you think you have enough, add a little more.
- Keep your fingernails short and smooth. Gloves smooth out any calluses or rough edges, and make clean up easy.
- Arousal makes anal play easier and more fun. Get turned on with something familiar first.
- Take it slowly and give the receiver’s body time to relax. You’ll get there faster if you slow down.
- DO NOT copy what you’ve seen in porn. The performers warm up and apply lubricant before getting in front of the camera, and some people skip these important steps since it doesn’t happen in their favorite videos.
* Transgender women also have prostates, as do some non-binary folks. However, hormones and surgery can change the erotic experience of prostate play. So feel free to try these tips out, but don’t be surprised if it feels different from the description above.
© Tantus, Inc. 2019. All Rights Reserved.
Charlie Glickman PhD is a sex & relationship coach, a somatic sexuality educator, a sexological bodyworker, and an internationally-acclaimed speaker. He’s been working in this field for over 25 years, and some of his areas of focus include sex & shame, sex-positivity, queer issues, masculinity & gender, communities of erotic affiliation, and many sexual & relationship practices. Charlie is also the co-author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners. Find out more about him at Make Sex Easy or on Facebook