There are many wonderful ways for the body to experience pleasure. And while the clitoris gets a lot of attention (as it should) it’s not the only way for people with vulvas and vaginas to have orgasms. External, or clitoral, orgasms are easiest to achieve for most people, but internal orgasms are also possible for many people - especially if you know what to look for!
The area that’s most likely to lead to an internal orgasm is commonly called the G-spot, though it isn’t a spot at all.
That’s a big part of why some people have a hard time finding it. More accurately what is bringing sexual pleasure is the whole Clitoral Urethral Vaginal complex (or CUV complex for short), but that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
What you need to know is that there’s no “sure thing” spot, like a doorbell, instead there are several anatomical structures working together that become engorged during arousal that can feel pleasure when stimulated (there’s as much erectile tissue in the clitoral complex as there is in a penis).
As for what we call the G-spot, it’s actually a sensitive portion of the urethral sponge accessed on the anterior wall of the vaginal canal. The exact location varies from body to body, as does the level of sensitivity. It can be found anywhere from flush with the opening of the vagina to a couple of inches inside.
If you go looking for this spot when you’re not aroused you probably won’t be able to find it.
That’s because it isn’t a discrete anatomical structure; it’s the area of the urethral sponge that tends to swell along with the rest of the CUV complex as part of arousal. While arousal time varies for everyone, for some it can take up to 40 minutes or more.
You don’t need a complete anatomy lesson to enjoy yourself, but knowing roughly where these structures are and how they work together can inform the way you touch yourself or a partner to find maximum pleasure.
When it comes to exploring with fingers, you may have heard of using the “come hither” motion. While that may get you in the right neighborhood, it’s not the precise kind of touch that feels best for most bodies. In general, touching or stroking with the very tips of the fingers pokes a bit, even without long fingernails. Instead, focus on exploring and pressing with the pads of the fingers. Rather than something as aggressively scratchy as the come hither, try pulsing your fingers upwards. Some people also enjoy a circular motion.
If this area feels hard to reach either because of the depth of the spot or the intensity of pressure needed, try a toy designed for G-spot stimulation. What you’re looking for is a toy with a pronounced curve that you can use with a pivoting motion, rather than simple in-out thrusting. These toys are a fantastic tool for self pleasure and can also be a wonderful addition to partnered play.
For people whose G-spot is very close to the opening of the vaginal canal, moving fingers back and forth across the opening (the introits) can also be very pleasurable.
Because the structures we’re pushing against are soft, they can move away from the pressure of fingers or toys. To ramp up intensity, you can place your other hand low on the abdomen and press down. That way you’re trapping the structures on both sides. This pressure makes some people feel like they have to use the bathroom, and that might not be pleasant.
That sensation of needing to urinate is also one of the precursors to squirting or ejaculation, which is also linked to intense G-spot stimulation.
If you’re new to exploring this area, it’s a good idea to know that squirting is possible, and perhaps be ready with a towel or chux underneath your body.
When exploring a G-spot with a partner, be sure to have open communication about what’s working and what feels good. Use directions like, “harder or softer, left or right, faster or slower,” to focus in on the most pleasurable kinds of touch.
Blended orgasms are also possible for many people.
What this means is having an orgasm from the combination of external and internal stimulation. You can try this by using fingers, toys, or a mouth externally while also being stimulated internally. In fact, when you’re first getting used to a new kind of pleasure, it can help to combine it with something you already know feels good.
Whatever you decide to try or explore, keep in mind that everybody experiences pleasure in different ways and you’re not broken if something that gets a lot of hype leaves you cold.
G-spotting isn’t for everybody, but it might be for you!
© Tantus, Inc. 2019. All Rights Reserved.
Stella Harris is a Certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach who uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella speaks at venues and conferences across the USA and Canada while maintaining a private practice in her adopted hometown of Portland, Oregon.
Stella’s first book, Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships was published by Cleis Press in September 2018. You can also find Stella’s sex column in Portland’s Willamette Week.