How to choose your first sex toy

When you first decide to try out sex toys, you are most likely going to feel overwhelmed. The first step is to accept that with your first few sex toy purchases, there will inevitably be some choices that you end up not liking. To minimize the chances of that, here are some tips for buying your first sex toys. 

Choose a body-safe material

There are many types of sex toy materials out there but it all comes down to this: Is it body-safe? Is it non-porous? Porosity is not a feature that the manufacturers will discuss, but it is important. A sex toy made from porous materials can absorb and retain things like bacteria, mold, mildew, harsh cleaning chemicals and more. Continuing to use a sex toy after it has grown mold or absorbed dyes can possibly make you very sick. Body-safe and non-porous materials will also last forever with proper care - materials such as 100% pure silicone, ceramic, ABS (hard) plastic, glass, wood, stainless steel, and aluminum. A sex toy that is not 100% pure silicone will be porous to some degree and therefore not as bodysafe. To help ensure that your sex toy is 100% pure silicone, buy from trusted manufacturers and consult your favorite sex toy reviewer!  

Choosing your first vibrator

Vibrators are great, and can stimulate many spots that could lead to orgasm. Clitoris, G-spot, Anal, Prostate, etc. There are many styles of vibrators but they can basically be broken down in to one of two basic categories: Internal or External. External-only vibrators or "clitoral" vibrators and are not meant for insertion into the vagina or anus. Internal vibrators can usually pull double duty as either internal OR external stimulators. Vibrators like small "bullets" (with or without a corded power pack) or pocket rockets fit in to the "external only" category but can really pack a punch. Pocket Rocket styles are generally affordable, but most are only single speed. In order to have the best chance at meeting your needs, you should look to vibrators that have multiple speeds

If you're looking for a clitoral vibrator and don't know what description clues to look for, start with examining how masturbation or sex works the best for you. If you are able to easily orgasm for light to moderate touches, then you will want vibrators that are multiple-speed and do not boast "intense pleasure". If you struggle to achieve a clitoral orgasm from manual or oral stimulation, you will likely need a stronger vibrator. Look for wand massagers and other vibrators that are ranked as feeling "rumbly" or "thuddy" or "penetrating". These vibrations will be able to penetrate through to the internal portion of the clitoris which may help you achieve orgasm. Some bullet vibrators that have a wired power hand-pack to control the vibrations will also have powerful vibrations and can be very affordable. 

If you're looking for an internal vibrator, start off moderately in both size and shape.  

Choosing your first dildo

Dildos come in many sizes and shapes, with no texture or lots of texture, curved for G-spot or Prostate play or straight. Dildos that will work in a harness or be safe for anal play will have a flared base. 

If this is your first dildo, choose the size based on your current penetration experience. If you have had penetrative sex with a penis, think about the size in both girth and length. From there, decide if you'd prefer a dildo smaller or bigger. Keep in mind that very firm silicone styles, as well as ceramic, glass, wood and metal, will not have any "give" and can be a lot more difficult to tolerate than a penis of the same size. 

For those who are using a dildo for masturbation and really want to explore prostate or G-spot stimulation, look for a dildo that has a pronounced curve and/or a pronounced bulbous or flat head. These styles can aid in reaching the G- or P- spot without requiring contortionist moves on your part.  

How to read between the lines

If you're purchasing a sex toy online without the ability to handle it and feel the vibrations, you will need to do a lot of research. Keep in mind that every manufacturer will make every sex toy sound like it is the best thing since sliced bread and will definitely be the one to please you. Research sex toy sites that showcase reviews from real customers, or betteryet, research sex toy review bloggers. When you find a review by a blogger of a sex toy you are considering, you can often times contact the blogger directly to ask a few more questions if you're unsure. 

Be sure to pay attention to the material, and stick to the body-safe list. Once you've chosen your first sex toys, pick up some lube and read up on the best way to keep your new sex toys clean.



Dangerous Lilly headshot

Lilly is a sex toy reviewer, educator, journalist and mini-activist. Lilly has been blogging and reviewing sex toys for 5 years, her soapbox getting a little bigger and taller every year. She doesn’t believe in sugar-coating or holding back. In addition to running her blog, Lilly has created safe spaces online for fellow sexuality bloggers and sex toy reviewers, the Sex Blogger Co-Op forums being one such place. 




© Tantus, Inc. 2013.

1 comment

  • Jason Jones

    Dear Lilly, or whomever receives this.

    I want to use a silicon lube and buy some anal toys: ‘anal dildo’ (if there is a difference from that and a regular dildo?) and all types of sex toy. I know I can’t use a silicon dildo or any dildo with the word gel with my chosen silicon lubrication unless I cover it with a condom first. What dildos and toys can I use with a silicon lube and do you have any advice or links?

    Thanks for your help in advance.

    Kind Regards

    Jason Jones

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