Spanking is not an unskilled art. Many write about it in books or flirt with it in social media posts, but recently I've realized how rare it is to find someone who really knows how to spank.

A few smacks on the ass does not make a spanking. A good spanking session can last up to 2 or 3 hours. Usually combined with some fingering- and broken up by some rearranging of positions and use of other tools, sometimes with a crescendo to full contact sex. 

Tools often come into the arena. Some are easy to wield, like paddles and straps. Some are more advanced. I just marvel when watching experts who know the proper use of these toys, like canes and Dragons Tails... but this is a beginners lesson. 

Like most givers (tops or spankers), I know from experience that if you've never been spanked correctly you don't know how it should be done. I'm going to attempt to give you the verbal steps. 

Step by Step

Get Cheeky with Your Hands

First, and most importantly, when you begin a traditional spanking of your friends behind, you cup the hand. You do this for several reasons. Foremost is that the hand needs to last the duration of the spanking. Trust me; if you want your hand to hurt, let someone bite it! Don't waste the pain on giving the spanking. You could be causing nerve damage. 

A cupped hand also has more control over the force or gentleness with which it strikes. You want variation during a spanking. As a very special recipient, you don’t want to feel like it is predictable- you want to lose yourself to this other person's will and domination. 

The cupping also of course makes the best sound! 

Secondly, a spanking is very much regionalized. Think of the ass as divided into zones. Each cheek should be warmed up with light yet firm smacks. No one should be given a WHACK without having first given a warm up. Think of it as foreplay. 

You want to vary your hand placement of the surface of each cheek so that the whole ass has been warmed and neither cheek has missed any of the warm up. The most sensitive part of the ass is at the inner thigh. Be careful but don't hold back; to get close to the genitalia is to get close to nirvana.

When spanking a male though - be careful of those balls hanging down. It's been my experience that very few men really like having their balls spanked (feel free to refute this), but definitely ask before you take a swipe. 

Variation is Exhalation

So we have a firm, basic, cupped handed warm up. Make sure attention has been given to both cheeks - just like breasts, they need equal attention.
After you have the area warm and colored, mix up the impact strength. Go light and then hard and then light again. Creating variation is the key to a great spanking. It’s just as important as moving about the edges of the bulls eye. You don't want to just hit one point over and over, and you don't want to feel just one predictable pounding. 

Paddle Play

A paddle, like the Tantus Thwack or Pelt, is perfect for use during a spanking warm up. The flexibility of the silicone paddles makes it very simple to get repetitive motions and it’s oh so easy on the hand. 
With Wham Bam, you have more leverage for long, stingy paddling. And Snap Strap is going to feel more like a belt, with its thin flexible form. The thinner the tool, the more sting it has. 

The benefit with these Tantus Paddles is that they are 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Instead of dampening sensation, like leather, the silicone transmits that energy. They can be also be thoroughly sterilized by boiling, or putting in the dishwasher. With a little care, they will last a lifetime. 



As a spanker, you are responsible for your partner’s sensual experience. You want to begin with light patting with a paddle or cupped hand, then start with a few medium taps. A hard whack is only for someone who is warmed up and consents to more. Otherwise, that one whack may be the last you ever get to give them, and rightly so.

Spank with Confidence, and with Care.

©2013 Metis Black. All rights reserved

Metis Black is the Founder and President of Tantus, Inc. The realization of her sex toy manufacturing company in 1997 helped to change the profile of sexuality products by mainstreaming silicone products and educating the industry on material safety and sexuality.

Metis' success has brought her accolades inside and outside of her industry. Her articles on material safety standards in sexual products and the chemistry of personal products such as lubricants have been widely published. Some of her publishing credits include American Journal of Sexuality Education, Good Vibrations Online Magazine, On Our Backs, Adult Novelty Business, XBiz, and The Free Speech Coalition. In 2015, she was also elected onto the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance's Board of Directors.

Over the last decade and a half, Metis has proven to be a champion for sex educators and a mentor to other small business owners.



1 comment

  • Stef

    Great intro to spanking! I enjoyed reading it, and hopefully my girlfriend will too. I definitely look forward to reading more articles!

Leave a comment