Pegging Power Play Dynamics - Rain DeGrey

There is a vulnerability and trust required to be the receptive, submitting partner, in any activity.  Strap-on play is no exception. To relax into receiving a pegging requires confidence in your partner to safely take you on a journey and land you safely on the other side, with the desire to do it all over again.

Headspace

There is a fine art to properly attaining an undone sexually submissive space. Many men find it difficult to reach this point. The main root cause is a constant, never ending, societal pressure to be in control at all times— to always be in charge. Pegging creates a dynamic where they don't have to be in charge. They can lay back, relax, and let someone else do the steering. However, this headspace is easier said than done.

So how do you successfully engage in the delicious activity of strap-on play and keep everyone coming back for more? Like with everything else, it starts with a single word. The most important word of all— communication. Communication is the lube that helps prevent chafing. The more of it you use, the less your chances of something going wrong.

Before entering into any power play dynamic, sit down and discuss exactly what you and your partner(s) hope to get out of it. Take the time to establish exactly how the interaction will unfold, and establish what you are both looking to have happen. Through this communication seek to create an understanding where the bottom(s) knows they can speak up at any point if something isn't working for them. Some people believe that discussing things too much takes the "magic" out of the encounter, but this is a mindset that can easily go awry. In the long run it is better to have over communication than too little.

Supplies

Before beginning any play time, you are going to want to gather some basic supplies. Make sure that you have everything close at hand so you don’t have to pause at the most inopportune time. Like Santa, make a list and check it twice— lube, a harness, condoms, some towels, one or more toys depending on taste, and anything else you want to incorporate into the session.

The odds are, at some point a mess is going to happen. Buy the ticket, take the ride. That's why you have towels! Keep a sense of humor, wipe things down and do not get rattled. Unless someone has a very specific kink about such things, never shame anyone for butts doing what butts do. You are creating a space where your bottom can trust you and relax into a mindless pleasure puddle. If the mess becomes a distracting and ongoing issue, take the time to do an enema before engaging in play.

Even if a toy is fluid bonded to only one person, it is still good to use a condom on it. Condoms make clean up much easier. Ass play and lots of lube are the type of combination that is going to make you grateful in the long run that you took the time to pop condoms on the toys.

Speaking of lube...yes. So much lube! All of the lube! Be generous. Did you use too much? First off, there is no such thing and second off, that is why you have those handy hand towels. You have done your due diligence with communication to prevent mental chafing, now you need to use enough lube to prevent physical chafing. Some people prefer water-based lube, some prefer silicone. It is all a matter of personal preference. If you do want to use silicone on a silicone toy, test swipe at the base of the toy where nobody can see with the lube you are planning on using. If your toy doesn't become "gummy" and tacky to the touch, you are safe to proceed. Do some experimenting and find out what works for you.

A word of warning--Do not use any oil based lube if using latex condoms on the toys; oil can dissolve a latex condom right off a toy.

Pegging

Once you have communication and negotiation handled, you have all the supplies within easy reach, and everything is thoroughly lubricated, it is time to progress to the action! 

The more comfortable someone is the more they are going to be able to relax and let you take charge. Different people have different preferences for positions...some like on their back and knees up, some like bent over, some like spooning. Take into consideration people's mobility and flexibility. 

Go slow when you are first getting started. You don't want to go charging in dildos-a-blazin’. Use one finger, and then two, working your way up to three. By the time your partner can comfortably handle three fingers, they are ready to move up to a toy. If you have long femme fingernails, pack a little bit of cotton ball behind each nail and pop a glove over it. You don't want to scratch someone internally. Internal scratches can really take the wind out of the moment.

As your bottom relaxes, their ass is going to be able to take more and more. A relaxed butt is a wide open butt. You may find that halfway through the session your partner begs for bigger toys. It is always helpful to have a larger selection of toys to choose from. As I always say, it is better to have something and not need it than need something and not have it.

Because there is nothing more discouraging than your dick falling off halfway through a pegging session, be sure that you have a properly fitting harness. Harnesses have come a long way and there is a fit for every body type. You are going to want to find something that is comfortable and stays in place no matter how vigorous the session may be. Take the time to find a harness that fits you and does not pinch or slide off. Generally the wider the straps are the more comfortable the harness is against your skin.

It is the motion of the ocean and the rock of the hips— pegging is all about putting your hips into it. Once you are inside, pay close attention to your bottom. They are giving you feedback at all times. It is on you to pay attention to that feedback. Are they relaxed and receptive? Are they tensing and pulling back? Do they look bored and unengaged? Does that bored look shift when you do something different with your hips? Notice the feedback they are giving you with their body language and shift how you use your toy accordingly.

There is a misconception that those that strap-on don't get any pleasure out of pegging; that they are just doing it as an act of service for their partner. Nothing could be further from the truth! Pegging can be an extremely pleasurable act. Some women can even orgasm from it. By placing the base of the toy directly on the clitoris a fair amount of sensation is created. Additionally, the mind is the strongest sexual organs. If you find a situation sexy, you are going to get mental stimulation from it. Someone writhing in pleasure on the end of your toy while you make their brains melt with every thrust is a sexy situation. This is just a fact!

Aftercare

Once your session has concluded, it is very important to give positive feedback to your bottom. It can be incredibly vulnerable to open yourself up in such a manner. Be sure to let them know how proud you are of them and what a great job they did. If you have the time and space after the session, do a breakdown of what happened. Talk about what works best for you and vice versa. Find out what needs improvement and what should be incorporated again in future encounters. 

Done properly, pegging your bottom is a richly rewarding activity for everyone involved. Personally, I find watching someone dissolve as their eyes cloud over with pleasure to be one of my favorite activities. And like all things, the more you do it the better you will get at it. Strap it up, find a willing bottom and see what happens!

© Tantus, Inc. 2018. All Rights Reserved. 

Rain DeGrey is an international educator, writer, presenter and performer that has been teaching kink and sex education classes since 2009. After getting her start as a fetish model and Pro Domme, she was motivated to branch out into education, something she is extremely passionate about. Demystifying sexuality and presenting in a clear and humorous way are trademarks of her teaching style and she believes strongly in making sex education fun. 

She has taught on a wide variety of topics at Harvard, Northwestern University, Kink.com, The Citadel, Pure Pleasures, Stormy Leather, Folsom Fringe, The Looking Glass, KinkAcadamy, PassionateU, Mission Control and Boundcon in Germany. Her work has been featured in such places as Playboy TV’s “69 sexiest things to do before you die”, Seattle Erotic Arts Festival, The SF Fetish Ball, Exotic Erotic, Rope::Burn, Kink-e-zine and Femina Potens. Additionally, she is a regular contributor to multiple online magazines.

Website: raindegrey.com
Email: rain@raindegrey.com 
Twitter: @raindegrey 
Facebook: @raindegrey 
FetLife: Rain DeGrey